Uh. Hi Yeah, i haven't been here for two years. Whoops, my bad Well, the last two years have been...interesting So does anyone actually read these blogs? Because my life is so boring that it really isnt worth reading about... What does a person who comes on this site actually want to read? Anyway, yeah yr 12. When will it end!? Well actually it ends on 5th November 2008, but thats seem a long way away. (Yeah i know, the next six months will fly!) They better not because i am so. not ready to leave high school. or maybe i am. as you can tell this is a demonstration of stream of conscious. but anyway. what do i want to do with my life? funny, like every asian, (probably un asian as well just being racial), wants to get ahead in life you know, get the highest UAI so you can have all the options open...but when it comes down to it, you really are just gonna choose one option and thats it. we base our entire lives for that one choice which is kinda sad. but you know what we have to do because of the whole competition get ahead mentality. if youve stopped reading, i dont blame you. Im not trying to be emo here (thats sad), im just being realistic. I mean im incredibly blessed and excited for everything thats going on in my life. but theres those moments where you just stop or want to procrastinate (ha which is what im doing) and do something different to what youve been doing for the past two hours. my hands are so cold, thsi cant be healthy for them. its like i can barely move my fingers. its the weather. anyway i suppose after hsc is going to be exciting, but if i really think about it, its like all things in life, its the anticipation of something better that is the fun part. the journey. not really the end because what happens at the end? nothing. a whole lot of something that doesnt matter anymore because you have it. hahah if you noticed i stopped writing with capitals, thats because its so cold i cant b bothered because my fingers are freezing my bad. you know whats really exciting. going to heaven, thats going to be fantastic thats something that is at the end that will never cease to be good. we havent got our jerseys yet. another thing to anticipate, then after we get them im just going to hang in my room and use it occasionally. but still. did you know its ur social environment that defines who you are? i mean yes your core personality and all is given by God, but like everything else. i mean your likes, dislikes, attitudes, abilities... are all defined by other people, and imagine YOU yourself impact other peoples personalities etc. thats pretty cool. i mean it means every single person in the world is making a difference, no matter who they are. so i guess thats good. i suppose it can be bad because people are going to influence you negatively. but still its better than not having a personality. so i suppose thats why eveyrones unique. through their lives theyve had a different experience to the person next to them. unless of course they do exactly the same things etc but even then, their core personality is different so tehy will react differently. wow this really comes down to TIME. you know how people always want to change time... or go back or forward in time? its like literally IMPOSSIBLE. and this is because of the uniqueness of everyone and the fact that you cannot control anyone but yourself and your own decisions. because of this, no science is going to be able to control time because every second gone is a decision made by around 6 billion people in the world that impact each other. lets say i didnt take that breath. about 6 billion other things may have not happened, and this must be accountable. muahhaa so all you scientists out there. you can change time ha ha. man im going to read back on this in probably another couple of years and be like "i was such a loser" or "i was really having a bad day" but im not truly. im not having a bad day. does it sound like it? because its not meant to. you can really twist what you want to mean mean when you type. or when you talk or whatever. i could be deliriously happy at the moment and just not type it. man MSN the evil addiction. i should never go on MSN again. its so addictive. my shoulder hurts. you know who i havent seen for ages? grace. i want to see grace and su-pheng. and other people. full stops have really impacted on my tone in this monologue to myself hasnt it it stops the flow of the words and it makes me sound emo but im not. i just like putting them in. because then you know when the sentence has stopped. anyway, being malaysian is a good thing you know. some people have attitude towards them because of the whole come to australia, speaking english get rid of malaysian culture because we hate malays thing but truly every person who thinks that has one, attitude problems or self esteem issues and needs to put others down in order to bring themselves up, or two, are stupid. i think malaysians are cool. well because i am one, but even if i wasnt, i would probably want to be malaysian not that im saying i woudnt want to be chinese. hey i would want to be chinese too. maybe indian. maybe european. but anyway. its kinda interesting when your parents speak cantonese/hokkien/malay english at you because sometimes you forget which is which and you know what theyre saying but you dont know what language theyre speaking so its like one language to you. so its like a special language called canhokmaenglish. thats so cool. i guess to me man i dont like it when people put others down. i would love to tell everyone how beautiful they are in their own way because they really are. its impossible to not see every good thing about someone else. unless you were depressed or a sadist, either way go to therapy please. i suppose im being hypocritical though because obviously ill make mistakes in life. its crazy to think of someone as perfect because none of us are. only Jesus. i cannot wait to meet him because wow, what woud it be like to be perfect? I have to be washd clean every day simply even because of my thoughts. your history is what you make it. and what you make it is how your feeling or thinking at the vvery moment you make the choice. i guess that does matter then. okay this got boring so im going to stop. but you know, itll be interesting if anyone actually read this. maybe i should read it because i forgot haf the things i said. okay bye | 